Ma ei ole väga ammu kirjutanud...

It's funny, how you can be sick for almost a month and you even doesn't know it. I actually don't know yet.. but sort of, and it's a little bit scary. And why me? That's the question we always ask when smth bad is happening to us, "why me?" I don't know, maybe because before we do smth stupid we think " That's never gonna happen to me!" How stupid... Human being is one stupid and selfish creature. I don't want to talk about it, why we are stupid, 'cause you know by youself, why.
If you ask me how do I feel, then I can't answer it, because I don't know... tired and sick? But mentally... That's also very complicated, I really don't know. I can't understand how I feel. I cant say that " I smile and laugh on the outside, but actually I cry on the inside." No definetly not, but I can't say that I'm happy at the moment. Sometimes expression on my face is maybe... horrifying, numb ect... But if somebody talks to me, then I start smiling and talking like one happy person. Why do I do that? I don't know... Maybe because I really am in a good mood, or maybe it's just a reflex.
Also, have you ever felt, that you just can't remember things that you said anymore? For the last months I started to forget things, not only what I said also what I did... Sometimes I can't remebmer what I wanted to do, or what I did last DAY! That has never happend to me before. I personnaly think, it's because I'm not thinking a lot lately, I mean.. I don't study, and my memory just dosn't work like it used to. I just need to exercise it, that's all, but, I'm too lazy...
I would really want to know, what's happening to me??? What is wrong with me, why do I feel that something crashed in million pieces and went lost... I don't know what to do... I would really like someone to come up to me, and help me... please... I'm really lost, like a child in the unknown neighbourhood. I'm very tired...tired of nothing and everything. And sometimes I feel very alone, even when my friends surround me. I miss that one part of me so much

Ma vajan seda tugevat õlga, millele toetuda.

palun...